This upcoming Sunday is the second Sunday in the month of May, which means it is also Mother's Day.
My social media feeds are already filling up with gift ideas for mothers. The ads and commercials everywhere are inundated with flowers and chocolates.
I have seen too many Instagram videos lately with women saying what they really want for mother's day, and most of them are asking to be left alone. One woman asked for a dumpster to be put on her front lawn and for her partner to take away the kids so she can rage clean.
I feel this. When my house is cluttered, my brain feels cluttered. And having three small children who moonlight as hoarders, my mind is about to explode.
However, my first thought after watching this video was, this isn't what mother's day is about. We should be with our children, and with our families, celebrating all mothers and female influences in our lives. Be thankful and appreciate all of those who care about us.
But my second thought was, maybe there is something to this trend. Maybe we should be alarmed that today's mothers are feeling so overwhelmed that the only thing they want is a break. A second to themselves. A moment to fill their own cup.
Where have we gone as a society that mothers (and other caregivers) are begging for a breath? The narrative that women can have it all has possibly gone against us. Or gone too far. Having a career, having children, taking care of a house, having hobbies and looking good while doing it all is too much.
We can have it all, but do we really want it all? And what is all? All of what?
Oxford dictionary defines the word all as:
noun
-
the whole of one's energy or interest
So if having it all means the whole of one's energy or interest, how can we, by definition have it all? All is too much.
I am not trying to set back feminism by any means. Men don't think about or worry about having it all. We should just strive for what we want, both men and women, where we want to spend our time and energy.
And it doesn't have to be all at once. We can put our careers on pause to raise our kids or we can put our kids in daycare and not feel guilty about it.
We can hire a housekeeper without feeling less than.
We should think of having it all as having happiness. Putting our focus where we need to and where we want to. Let's stop worrying about proving something to the extent that we are stressed out.
Maybe what mothers really want for Mother's Day is to redefine what being a mother all about. We are caregivers. We are strong. We are there for our children and partners and let's also start being there for ourselves.
This Mother's Day let's find what we really want to spend the whole of our energy or interest on.
