It’s OK not to be OK

It’s OK not to be OK

Marisca explores the idea that mothers don’t have to have it all together all the time.

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex recently revealed she is having a hard time since becoming a mom. She said in an interview it has been a struggle becoming a new mother in the spotlight.

“Not many people have asked if I’m OK,” she said.

Motherhood in or out of the spotlight is not easy. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge adjustment. If the Duchess of Sussex, who has access to the best nannies, probably doesn’t have to cook or clean or do laundry, is allowed to say motherhood is hard, so can we. I’ve read a lot of comments online about people saying she knew what she was signing up for when she married into the royal family but no one knows what they are signing up for when becoming a mom.

Why do moms feel like they have to have it together all the time?

And why aren’t we checking up on each other? When you bring home a new baby, everyone asks how the baby is. I had a c-section with my first baby and I don’t remember people asking me if I was okay. I was a first-time mom, disappointed in not having a natural birth, my hormones were all over the place, I was anxious about what to do with a newborn, trying to figure out how to breastfeed.

I was recovering from surgery. I had literally just had a baby pulled out of me and no one asked me if I was OK. And now, even though I know how it feels, I forget to ask a new mother how she is doing. It is all about the baby.

Read last week’s The Sticky Files: Is volunteerism waning in rural B.C.?

My sister recently had a baby and a couple of weeks after delivery started feeling anxious. She let some people in her inner circle know how she was feeling and my mom took her other child for a weekend. My sister-in-law cooked her some meals and I tried my best to give her advice.

She is feeling more like herself, although still a bit sleep deprived. While as her big sister, it breaks my heart that she had to ask for help, I’m glad she did and I think she is too.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is more common than I thought before having babies.

Up to 75 per cent of new moms can get the baby blues which is a mild depression and mood swings, but about 15 per cent of these new moms can develop PPD.

According to BC Mental Health and Addictions Services, PPD can also affect a baby.

On their website it states: “When a mom is depressed, she can have a hard time interacting and bonding with her baby. This can affect the baby’s development. The best way to make sure your baby has a healthy start is to get help for yourself.”

Their website also said partner and family support, along with self care are ways to lessen depression. Support is so important and it is OK to ask for help. In fact, it is good to ask for help. I truly believe it takes a village to raise a child.

Read more from The Sticky Files:

Turning the lights off on daylight savings time

Not going to sugarcoat it, treats aren’t treats anymore

Self care is also so important. Even just having a healthy meal, getting some fresh air or taking a bubble bath can make me feel better after a hard day.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. I think it is also important for my children to see me taking care of myself. It sets a good example for them because I want them to always be healthy and happy.

Simply put, being a mom is hard and it is OK to not be OK.

However, if you are feeling depressed or extremely sad most of the day, guilty or hopeless, please call your health care provider.

Again, there is no shame in getting help.


@MariscaDekkema
marisca.bakker@interior-news.com

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Just Posted

Comox Valley medical clinics are all open, including the availability to book face-to-face care (i.e. for a physical examination) as per your clinic’s protocol (most clinics operate a “virtual care first” policy). ADOBE STOCK IMAGE
Northern Health launches virtual primary care clinic

Northerners without a family physician or nurse practitioner will now have access to primary care

Demonstrators lined Hwy 16 May 5 to mark the National Day of Awareness for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls. (Deb Meissner photo)
VIDEO: Smithers gathering marks Red Dress Day honouring missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls

Approximately 70 people lined Hwy 16, drumming, singing and holding up placards

“Skeena,” by John Hudson and Paul Hanslow is one of five fonts in the running to become the default for Microsoft systems and Office programs. (Black Press Media File Photo)
Font named after Skeena River could become the next Microsoft default

One of the five new fonts will replace Calibri, which has been Microsoft’s default since 2007

The road to Telegraph Creek (Hwy 51) was closed April 15 due to a washout. On May 4, the road was opened to light-duty passenger vehicles during specific times. (BC Transportation and Infrastructure/Facebook)
Telegraph Creek Road opens for light-duty vehicles

Road has been closed since April 15 due to a washout

Daily confirmed COVID-19 cases reported to B.C. public health, seven-day rolling average in white, to May 12, 2021. (B.C. Centre for Disease Control)
B.C. preparing ‘Restart 2.0’ from COVID-19 as June approaches

Daily infections fall below 500 Friday, down to 387 in hospital

A vial of AstraZeneca vaccine is seen at a mass COVID-19 vaccination clinic in Calgary, Alta., Thursday, April 22, 2021. Dr. Ben Chan remembers hearing the preliminary reports back in March of blood clots appearing in a handful of European recipients of the Oxford-AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh
Science on COVID, VITT constantly changing: A look at how doctors keep up

While VITT can represent challenges as a novel disorder, blood clots themselves are not new

Poached trees that were taken recently on Vancouver Island in the Mount Prevost area near Cowichan, B.C. are shown on Sunday, May 10, 2021. Big trees, small trees, dead trees, softwoods and hardwoods have all become valuable targets of tree poachers in British Columbia as timber prices hit record levels. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jen Osborne.
Tree poaching from public forests increasing in B.C. as lumber hits record prices

Prices for B.C. softwood lumber reached $1,600 for 1,000 board feet compared with about $300 a year ago

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

The warm weather means time for a camping trip, or at least an excursion into nature. How much do you know about camps and camping-related facts? (John Arendt - Summerland Review)
QUIZ: Are you ready to go camping?

How many camp and camping-related questions can you answer?

On Friday, May 14 at Meadow Gardens Golf Club in Pitt Meadows, Michael Caan joined a very elite club of golfers who have shot under 60 (Instagram)
Crowds at English Bay were blasted with a large beam of light from an RCMP Air-1 helicopter on Friday, May 14. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Marc Grandmaison
Police enlist RCMP helicopter to disperse thousands crowded on Vancouver beach

On Friday night, police were witness to ‘several thousand people staying well into the evening’

People shop in Chinatown in Vancouver on Friday, February 5, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
Vancouver community leaders call for action following 717% rise in anti-Asian hate crimes

‘The alarming rise of anti-Asian hate in Canada and south of the border shows Asians have not been fully accepted in North America,’ says Carol Lee

Sinikka Gay Elliott was reported missing on Salt Spring Island on Wednesday, May 12. (Courtesty Salt Spring RCMP)
Body of UBC professor found on Salt Spring Island, no foul play suspected

Sinikka Elliott taught sociology at the university

Most Read