An ode to the late, great Common Sense

Brenda Mallory's Spice of Life.

I am going to let common sense take over this morning. I am tired and have one humdinger of a headache. Why no sleep? I was thinking too much. Couldn’t shut the old brain box off. Maybe it was because I had another birthday. I heard from old friends and new. Of course I had to think about that.

Had a great chat with my big brother. Had to think about that and how I wished we had always been as close. That’s how it was. So to you and the editor please excuse me for sharing this bit sent to me by an old school chum. Hope it doesn’t keep you awake.

An Obituary printed in the London Times. Absolutely Brilliant!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

– Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

– Why the early bird gets the worm;

– Life isn’t always fair;

– and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when one couldn’t defend one’s self from a burglar in ones own home and the burglar could sue to receive compensation if assaulted.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his four stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this onwards. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Let me know what you think about this piece when you call 250-846-5095 or take a moment to send an e-mail to mallory@bulkley.net.

Brenda Mallory writes the weekly Spice of Life or For the Birds column.

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