Unidentified flying object’s course plotted to Smithers

Scientists split: some argue it has a shiny nose, others even say it glows

North American Air Defence Command (NORAD) has confirmed the Bulkley Valley is the projected touchdown point for an unidentified flying object Christmas morning.

At a press conference on Dec. 22, Smithers Deputy Mayor Gladys Atrill said she has been informed by NORAD the object will enter Bulkley Valley airspace at precisely 12:01 a.m. PDT tomorrow..

“We better watch out,” Atrill said. “This thing is coming to town.”

A highly-placed confidential source inside NORAD told The Interior News they have been monitoring the object since 1955 as it appears in the sky above the North Pole every year on Christmas Eve. The object moves too fast to be tracked by even the most nimble fighter jets, but now, using historical satellite data with the latest sophisticated algorithms, they have been able to precisely plot its course.

“We’re still at a loss to completely explain this phenomenon… it’s almost like it sees us when we’re sleeping and knows when we’re awake,” the NORAD source said. “But we’re very confident with our projections — the Bulkley Valley, the Hazeltons and Kispiox Valley are directly in its path.”

The only other thing known about the object is that infrared sensors on defence satellites have detected a small, but radiant heat signature at the front of the craft. For years scientists have debated the nature of the signature. Some argue the object simply has a very shiny nose, while others even say it glows.

After the NORAD notification, Atrill immediately convened a meeting of Bulkley Valley first responders and initiated what they are calling Operation Misteltoe.

Fire Chief Keith Stecko said Smithers Fire Rescue is ready and residents should not be too alarmed.

“This thing has been around for decades, but we haven’t seen any evidence it’s destructive,” he said. “However, it sounds like there may be a source of ignition associated with it, so we will be keeping an eye out for that.”

Smithers RCMP Staff Sgt. Terry Gillespie has also mobilized his force.

“Our officers are making lists and checking them twice,” he said. “We’re going to find out who’s naughty and nice, but so far it has been a silent night, there’s not a creature stirring.”

Brian Vike, a renowned ufologist in Houston, B.C., told The Interior News the annual phenomenon is well-documented, but governments have long kept it hidden from the public.

“Most of the stuff we see in the sky is explainable, but there are sightings that I cannot figure out, like this one. Usually it’s just one bright red light, but there’s a structure to it. It’s tracking very quickly across the sky and has a kind of comet spray behind it. Sometimes it comes to a hover, or it may make a wide loop around and drop down onto a rooftop. Some people have even reported hearing what they describe as a jolly laughing sound.“

Deputy Mayor Atrill appealed to residents to remain calm.

“We don’t anticipate it poses any threat,” she said. “I would just say, Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

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